Beauty the Article
© By TwilightsAura Creations * Kimberly Dawn Sanders
All my life from the time I was 6 I have had issues with my appearance. Growing up, I had a pretty good self esteem about myself despite how other children and my family looked upon me. Children can be cruel to their peers and growing up is hard enough in this world when a child is surrounded by the negativity of this worlds superficial views of beauty. What can make it even worse for a child struggling to become their own person is going home to the place they need to feel safe within only to find the same superficial views coming from the people who are suppose to love you no matter what you look like.
My self esteem changed when I was 16 and my spirit about how I view my own beauty became shattered. My mother had walked into the bathroom as I was standing there nude drying myself off from a bath and she made a comment to me “What is wrong with your stomach you look like you had 3 children.” I had put my shield up and defended my appearance to her but deep inside from that day on it was the beginning of a long battle of learning to love myself again. I started allowing everything I experienced through the cruelty of the world to effect my life. Everything that I experienced that was bad was based upon blaming my appearance. The power of their words created my world and they controlled everything that I was.
Despite my issues I still listened to those that needed help and I would drowned myself in their world hoping they would like me for me. I wanted them to see beyond the flesh and see into my heart but that was something I had never experienced during that time in my life. I cried a lot, I was constantly depressed, I blamed myself for everything, and I held hate within me for being born with this body. I had to listen to people call me lazy, fat cow, pig, disgusting, dirty and I can go on. People would say things like your face is so pretty but….people would judge me for what I ate, how I walked, my clothes and once again I can go on. I had always dreamed of the day that people would love others as they would want to be loved. That was the only dream that had kept my spirit alive, for without it I surely would have committed suicide.
I used to wonder why people would always pass by and make their rude comments about my appearance, I couldn’t understand why they could not see me, the real me. I allowed boys to use me, I allowed friends to use me, I forgave easily because and all I wanted to
do was be accepted somewhere. I wanted to fit in with the world and feel special, needed and loved.
I met my husband when I was 18 and he fell in love with me instantly. It has been quite a battle through our whole marriage for him to convince me that I was beautiful inside and out. He has always loved me for me and my dream really did come true when I finally found someone to see the real me but I have always been so focused on what my past has done to my spirit that I have failed to see the truth.
Around the age of 30 I found out that I had a medical condition that had caused all of my weight issues I had dealt with my whole life and at that time it was difficult to grasp and to find the strength to see my inner beauty because I had gained 30 pounds in one month. I became very depressed and felt I was not worthy of life. I have finally put this problem to rest for the most part and I have accepted it for what it is. It has been somewhat of a burden and every time I lose some weight my problem gets worse and my medication needs to be increased. This has been my battle for 9 years now. I have not completely given up though.
Don’t you ever get tired of hiding? We all hide in some way from the world because we feel we risk someone seeing the real flaws we all have. We hide behind clothes, we hide behind others, we hide behind our shield, we hide in our house, we especially hide online. We spend so much time hiding that we actually do not have enough time to live out what our spirit really craves and that is to be free.
I have learned in life that deep inside within the hearts of those souls who shattered my world over and over hide the flaws that they really can not accept about themselves. I learned through the process of life that we are simply a reflection of another person’s journey and we are meant to learn from the guided meeting of another soul. I realize that people simply can’t cope with their own imperfections so they feel the need to hold onto their power by making the choice to hurt others about how they look. Today, it is time to take back your power.
I hope by me sharing my story with you helps you to find strength to see beyond what the world views as beautiful. And if not today, then I hope someday you can find the strength to accept yourself completely not just the parts other people think they like. If you are ready to take that step today then I welcome you to take a journey with me. I encourage you to say the following words to yourself over and over. Say them once a day if you need to. Look into the mirror and smile back at yourself while saying it. Open your heart and mind to believe in these words.
Today I accept myself as I AM, every part of my being. I AM a good person and I will not strive anymore to prove myself to anyone. I will allow people to accept me for who I really am and if they can not accept me then they are the ones who still need to find themselves and their own strength. I allow love into my life in abundance. It is not my fault if people can not see the beauty within me. I will not hide anymore. I AM strong and my presence here has touched lives. I accept all things I can not change about myself. I AM unique and I AM one with myself, I AM one with you, I am one with the universe. I AM beauty.
Kimberly Dawn Sanders
TwilightsAura Visionary Creations
©4-18-08
My self esteem changed when I was 16 and my spirit about how I view my own beauty became shattered. My mother had walked into the bathroom as I was standing there nude drying myself off from a bath and she made a comment to me “What is wrong with your stomach you look like you had 3 children.” I had put my shield up and defended my appearance to her but deep inside from that day on it was the beginning of a long battle of learning to love myself again. I started allowing everything I experienced through the cruelty of the world to effect my life. Everything that I experienced that was bad was based upon blaming my appearance. The power of their words created my world and they controlled everything that I was.
Despite my issues I still listened to those that needed help and I would drowned myself in their world hoping they would like me for me. I wanted them to see beyond the flesh and see into my heart but that was something I had never experienced during that time in my life. I cried a lot, I was constantly depressed, I blamed myself for everything, and I held hate within me for being born with this body. I had to listen to people call me lazy, fat cow, pig, disgusting, dirty and I can go on. People would say things like your face is so pretty but….people would judge me for what I ate, how I walked, my clothes and once again I can go on. I had always dreamed of the day that people would love others as they would want to be loved. That was the only dream that had kept my spirit alive, for without it I surely would have committed suicide.
I used to wonder why people would always pass by and make their rude comments about my appearance, I couldn’t understand why they could not see me, the real me. I allowed boys to use me, I allowed friends to use me, I forgave easily because and all I wanted to
do was be accepted somewhere. I wanted to fit in with the world and feel special, needed and loved.
I met my husband when I was 18 and he fell in love with me instantly. It has been quite a battle through our whole marriage for him to convince me that I was beautiful inside and out. He has always loved me for me and my dream really did come true when I finally found someone to see the real me but I have always been so focused on what my past has done to my spirit that I have failed to see the truth.
Around the age of 30 I found out that I had a medical condition that had caused all of my weight issues I had dealt with my whole life and at that time it was difficult to grasp and to find the strength to see my inner beauty because I had gained 30 pounds in one month. I became very depressed and felt I was not worthy of life. I have finally put this problem to rest for the most part and I have accepted it for what it is. It has been somewhat of a burden and every time I lose some weight my problem gets worse and my medication needs to be increased. This has been my battle for 9 years now. I have not completely given up though.
Don’t you ever get tired of hiding? We all hide in some way from the world because we feel we risk someone seeing the real flaws we all have. We hide behind clothes, we hide behind others, we hide behind our shield, we hide in our house, we especially hide online. We spend so much time hiding that we actually do not have enough time to live out what our spirit really craves and that is to be free.
I have learned in life that deep inside within the hearts of those souls who shattered my world over and over hide the flaws that they really can not accept about themselves. I learned through the process of life that we are simply a reflection of another person’s journey and we are meant to learn from the guided meeting of another soul. I realize that people simply can’t cope with their own imperfections so they feel the need to hold onto their power by making the choice to hurt others about how they look. Today, it is time to take back your power.
I hope by me sharing my story with you helps you to find strength to see beyond what the world views as beautiful. And if not today, then I hope someday you can find the strength to accept yourself completely not just the parts other people think they like. If you are ready to take that step today then I welcome you to take a journey with me. I encourage you to say the following words to yourself over and over. Say them once a day if you need to. Look into the mirror and smile back at yourself while saying it. Open your heart and mind to believe in these words.
Today I accept myself as I AM, every part of my being. I AM a good person and I will not strive anymore to prove myself to anyone. I will allow people to accept me for who I really am and if they can not accept me then they are the ones who still need to find themselves and their own strength. I allow love into my life in abundance. It is not my fault if people can not see the beauty within me. I will not hide anymore. I AM strong and my presence here has touched lives. I accept all things I can not change about myself. I AM unique and I AM one with myself, I AM one with you, I am one with the universe. I AM beauty.
Kimberly Dawn Sanders
TwilightsAura Visionary Creations
©4-18-08
